took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize