Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
