You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
