Cold hands, warm shart.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
