Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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