O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize