We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
