he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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