How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
