Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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