I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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