right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
