you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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