Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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