we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
