Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
