I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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