is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
