Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
