you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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