I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
