dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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