As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
