I think my fart just growled at me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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