he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
