genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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