her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
