i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
