dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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