I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
