I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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