Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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