based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
