Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
