I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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