How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
