At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
