I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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