Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
