flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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