btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
