The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
