i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize