peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize