planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
