Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
