Your dad touched me again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
