Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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