I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
