Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
