she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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