Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
