i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
