Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
