I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
