i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
