she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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