Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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