u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
