The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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