How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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