Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
