i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
