I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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