I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize