I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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