i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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